Labor, unmedicated.
grab your popcorn. it’s storytime.
Before we begin…
This is a departure from my usual data, design, and career musings.
It’s a long read. You might be interested if:
You’re curious what the full sensation of childbirth is like
You’re hoping to attempt an unmedicated birth
You’re kind enough to share this space with me as I reflect ❤️
4:43 AM, after 5 hours of primal screaming, my baby was placed in my arms.
My voice raspy, sweat and hair everywhere, vision still partially blacked out. Not sure if that was from opening my eyes for the first time in 5 hours…or from returning from an out-of-body dimension of pain.
I gave birth.
Fully unmedicated and intervention-free. No pain relief, no external devices, no IV.
I felt everything.
Why I chose the harder option
I don’t think there’s any honor in needlessly suffering during childbirth. I've learned from years of ultramarathoning that chasing pain to prove yourself is a losing battle against your ego.
Modern medicine is incredible. You can design your own cocktail from the pain management menu: TENS machine, nitrous oxide, IV opiates, epidural. These options range from surface level distraction (TENS) to fully numbing (epidural at max strength).
All these options have helped women have more easeful births, which, in many situations, lead to better outcomes for themselves and their babies.
I decided to attempt labor without any of it,
To experience what my ancestors felt, from curiosity and connection
To feel the power of the female body, both in what it can produce and what it can endure
To be fully mobile during and immediately after labor
To maximize my chances for the fastest recovery
Last and certainly least, a lower hospital bill. Insurance is a SCAM y’all.
That said, I was in no way attached to this goal. Most births don’t go according to plan.
An aside, to my fellow mothers:
I recognize it’s a great privilege to not require medical intervention for my or baby’s safety.
If you or someone you love wasn’t so fortunate, it doesn’t diminish your strength, courage, or worthiness.
It’s hard enough being a woman when society is built around male-encoded standards of worth. The least we can do is give ourselves compassion.
After all, women can do pretty much everything men can (except pee standing up…and even that’s negotiable). But no man can do what we do.
The full story
tl;dr the most intense and dramatic shit ever
My labor was fast and furious, lasting under 8 hours (first labors average 24 hrs).
Things escalated quickly
Keegan and I were winding down for bed, watching a mediocre culinary drama. Midway through, I felt a gush of warm fluid.
I thought I’d peed our brand new couch.
Labor started within 30 min. Two hours later, we dashed out the door.
Arriving at the hospital
I’d long thought I’d be self-conscious walking through the hospital lobby while moaning in pain. But once I arrived, I had zero sense of dignity. I was completely inside myself.
I was totally selfish and ignorant of my surroundings. I wasn’t aware of who was in the room, didn’t respond to any questions unless medically necessary, and didn’t reciprocate any of Keegan’s “I love you”’s. Sorry, love. 😔
Laboring
Due to my uniquely active uterus (benign, detected early in pregnancy), I had a maximum of 2 min between surges, with most surges 10-30 sec apart (!!) Instead of waves on the contraction monitor, mine were a maxed-out line. I was literally off the charts.
Every surge was an all-consuming downwards pressure that radiated through every bone of my body. I instinctively vocalized through the surges in a single focused breath.
I hope the room had state-of-the-art soundproofing 😅.
It was the most excruciating thing I’ve ever experienced, but I was never fearful. It helped to embody the same mindset of running an ultra.
When running: Focus on the next step and getting to the next aid station, not the finish line
During labor: Focus on the next second and enduring the current contraction, not delivery
When running: Stay in tune with my body, not the numbers on a watch (I don’t use a watch for this reason!)
During labor: Stay in tune with my body, not the graphs on the monitor
When running: “Racing is a privilege and a celebration of what my body can do”
During labor: “Unmedicated labor is a privilege and a celebration of what the female body can do”
Both: Acknowledge I am in the pain cave and it will end eventually
My source of confidence and comfort: Keegan
I can’t give this man enough credit.
He squeezed my hips for counterpressure through every. single. surge. He encouraged me relentlessly. I felt so loved and safe.
I only later realized how taxing it was for Keegan. From his notes:
“I could tell Heather was experiencing really severe pain. She was rightfully in the zone and not very communicative or expressive.”
“My main physical help was in applying counter pressure to the sides of her hips. It REALLY wore me out… my mantra was just ‘shut up and squeeze’.
Seeing what Heather was going through fueled me… I made it my mission to not ever complain about being tired or out of strength. Just reposition and keep going for Heather!”
“We had some precious moments alone to labor… It was really powerful to be at her side through it all.”
Pushing
The best way I can describe this sensation is,
It feels like bearing down to take a rock-hard shit. And the shit is the size of a football. But your butthole is superglued shut. And also internally bruised.
By now, I was so desperate to escape the torture chamber that I stopped listening to my body. I pushed frantically but didn’t feel progress. It was pretty demoralizing until I felt the infamous “ring of fire” and…
My baby shot out like a torpedo.
To the wonderful midwife who caught my baby like a football, you rock.
To the nurses who got soaked by the pressurized stream of fluids, I’m sorry!
The next hour, known as "golden hour", is what people love to photograph and gush over.
I'll summarize it in 1 word: transcendent.
The end result
I escaped labor with no tearing and no blood loss (<150 mL).
I was walking and pain-free immediately after labor.
I was fully healed 2 weeks postpartum.
I feel guilty (even ashamed) typing that out, because I know I’m insanely fortunate. Most women don’t have such easeful postpartum journeys, even though they are no less deserving.
I share my outcome because I want future mothers to know it is possible, even if it’s not the norm. Perhaps, seeing a positive outcome leaves an essence of empowerment and hope, which can exist in tandem with any doubts or fears.
Final takeaway: It takes a village, before the baby is even born
As much as I was the star of the labor show, I’m really not the hero of this story.
The main contributors to my outcome:
baby being in a favorable birthing position
having an excellent birthing partner
endurance training
extensive knowledge of birthing physiology and hospital practices
Behind the curtain, respectively:
my baby
Keegan
the communities that make moving my body a joyful and consistent practice
my concurrently pregnant friends who shared in the curiosity and preparation of childbirth
Even further behind the curtain is a family that supported my pregnancy and friends that held space for my shifting identity.
If you’re one of those people, thank you. I love you.
And reader, whoever you are, I appreciate your attention. You may now return to short form content.
P.S. if you’re not queasy, check out my ginormous placenta and its final resting resting place 🤓:
Wow, what a story! I laughed, cried, and was riveted all the way through. So honest, real, and powerful. Love the 5 reasons you had the goal of natural childbirth, and your description of the "golden hour" as transcendent! It's a bloody miracle! Congratulations and well done mom and dad! I look forward to some compelling parenting stories in the coming years (just not as painful.) Your reflections and writing are second to none. There's a harrowing root canal experience without anesthetic in the memoir A Million Little Pieces. But I was totally "in the moment" reading what you went through and Finn's entrance to the world.
Heather, thanks for sharing this journey! This was so incredibly well written and a joy to read. I especially loved reading the similarities you found between ultra running and child birth and how the mental strategies you learned from running help prepare you for this. The human body truly is incredible and women's bodies can do amazing things!! So happy for you and Keegan.